it's been a while.
I doubt anyway comes here anyway.. besides, I am not really a fan of blogging.
Regardless.. blogging is fun when you want to rant about issues, yet saying it in any other medium would be way too weird.
Thus, we begin.
First issue.
I'm a loner. Why?
I don't really need anyone. Ok, I mean if like everyone on earth died we WOULD have a problem,
but..
i'm anti-social?
at heart.. what do I need?
it stems back to another problem of mine
I really have nothing I want.
Nothing motivates me, or gives me stress
nothing pushes me to put in effort.
then, you can ask why I actually bother studying.
I don't.
Just that, logically not studying would screw me over.
I would mess up my future,
get physically tormented
but beyond that.. I don't really care.
I put in effort because I force myself to
not because I feel any pressure to.
Ok, you can say pain is a motivator
but then again, that doesnt count.
'cause I have no carrots but there is a stick
if you get the reference.
how do you live life
if there is nothing to live for?
honestly speaking
the main reason why I haven't done things like suicide or be emo and cut myself
is because it hurts
and because there is no reason to.
Although there is no reason not to
which one takes less effort?
You know.. I may be perceived as lazy; a slacker.
It's not that i'm lazy.. its just that there is nothing more valuble to me than doing nothing.
Because I value nothing.. I do things based on effort.
Second point.. this may be extremely hard for you to swallow. It's completely not me.
It isn't.
If i'm correct, most people have a set way of thinking, and this thinking become impaired when emotions are drawn in, and such-like.
I mean to say, you have your one set mind-set, which is changed slightly when you are in different situations.
Do you know, I believe that's not the case for me?
Different ways of thinking. Oh it's nothing like split personalities
just that I perceive things very differently at times.
Like now, for instance. This entire post deals with the emptiness, the void I feel in my heart.
Then, like in school, do I feel the same way? Not at all.
I split it into logic and impulse.
Pure logic to the point of being cold, and the bubbly emotional me.
Who I am, is a mix of the two.
You know, I bring this up as a reason why I can stop laughing whenever I want to?
Why I can don't care, whenever I want to.
I merely bring out a different combination
more logic.. become colder.
anyway, back on track
What will make me care?
The me now, anyway.
The 'normal' me is easy.
although switching is easy too.
although the intent behind this post
was to make the change more permanent.
heck, conflict about what i'm saying
see ya'll
retards. : D
